Dearest one,

Dearest one,

You are my fragile but strong,
the meaning of my song,
you make me stand up if I fall...

You are the beginning after my end,
you are the hope around the bend,
you're the one thing I prayed for, for eternity...

You're the weft to my warp,
my blunt edges made sharp...

my coarse becomes fine,
my rain and sunshine,
every curve to my line...

my intricacies turn bold,
my sand becomes gold....

The part that makes me whole,
The heart within my soul....
You complete me...

I feel blessed to be alive with one such as you.

My love...my dear child,

I AM, because YOU ARE.

Mothers and Birthdays..!

My Dear, sweet Mon,

How are you?! I remembered you a lot on Sunday, your Birthday.... I wondered if you'd had a good day and how your little girl must have felt, singing 'Happy Birthday...' to you, and if you all got some time to rest and relax as a family! I wish now that I had, but I know I failed miserably in finding the tools and the time to wish you in the conventional sense. (By 'conventional' I mean 'real' of course). Let me elaborate, and please do not think that I'm trying to make excuses for my failures, I simply present the facts. Since I came to India in the beginning of the month, I have watched my daughters' delight in discovering their Motherland for the first time! They giggled and beamed when we rode in an auto-rickshaw, sampled their first pani-puri and met all their little cousins, nanimas, nanabapus, (my Faibas, Fuasahebs, Masiba and Masasaheb) and gaped at the crazy traffic and the sheer volume of people and animals in the bustling streets. Then, disaster struck and my phone just 'died' on me, leaving Dad holding the bill.... He got it repaired but that too, did not last long... (2 days). In the meanwhile, I was driving around town to make decisions like which school and which Doctor (one of my little girls developed a high temperature this week and I was worried it could be Malaria.)

In the midst of all that, I paused to think of and pray for you and Preeti (Shastri), my dear girls who celebrate their Birthday this week. When I visited CEPT and met Krishna Ma'am, I could feel my voice break when she asked me how I was doing. The love and tenderness in her voice for all SID students is the reason why we flock, time and again, to the Campus, to see her and our other Professors, and seek their blessings. She is still very much the same stellar, dignified, charismatic lady we all had the good fortune to have learned from! As we SIDians celebrate our 25th Foundation Day on 2nd September 2015, I and all our friends, both present and those in absentia, will no doubt remember the uniquely important role SID played in shaping our lives. I am looking forward to attending the Foundation Day programmes with my two daughters. I will share the memories of that day with you after I return home on the 4th of September.

Hope you and your little family are all well! It is always a delight to hear from you, Mon, so keep those posts coming! As you know, when our daughters grow up, we are presented with a new set of challenges and questions in our role as mothers and fathers. Now that Shivu is almost as tall as me (just under a few inches to go!) and Rani amazes me with her ability to win hearts and touch lives, I discover that it is a long road to tread, and challenges and difficulties crop up at every step...

Well, more on those later!
Meanwhile, give my love and hugs to your little Raina and I sign off with all my love,
yours
Ruch

Sleep problems?? No Problemo

A lot of parents who have a child with Special Needs will sigh or smile knowingly when I say that sleep is often the unavoidable casualty in the battle for survival. Often one of the first things to be affected, sleep (or the lack of it) is a 'safety valve' on the tightly lidded and often incomprehensibly dangerous pressure-cooker called EMOTIONS. I've had more than my fair share of nights with little or no sleep, being bone tired  but wide awake. In all honesty, not all of them are my daughter's fault- maybe I've programmed myself differently now.....my subconscious hovering in the REM state, placing myself perpetually 'on call' instead of plunging into a sweet, restful, dreamless state. As is often the case, a number of factors are responsible for turning me into the 3hr snooze-a-night insomniac. I go to bed like everyone else, drifting off once the kids are settled and asleep. Then, as if a faulty switch has been flipped, it all short-circuits and KAPOWWW!!... 'blinnnk' ...darkness engulfs my senses and a deep sense of confusion, anger, stress and the 'weepies'...assails my natural good-natured smiley disposition. On most nights, I sleep less than five hours.....Welcome to ZOMBIE LAND!!

Shivangi is very temperamental in her sleeping habits. If something sets her off, she will keep at it like a scratched LP that loops over and over the same groove....  up n down stairs- wee willie winkie.....
Shivangi sleeping in HER OWN bed is a miracle, especially if she stays in her own bed all night. It usually comes with a price- she will only settle after a huge tantrum, protestations of " I HATE my room"... until she realises Mummy is not going to try to talk her into sleeping in her own bed. She cries, bangs doors and generally tries to provoke a response. I guess its always a bit of a shock to her when I do not.

As anyone with kids will tell you, kids are great at playing the game 'DIVIDE AND RULE'. If she can get Dad on he side she will. She doesn't give up easily and plays to her strengths- looking for a chink in our collective armour... So we both stick together, and that confuses (and angers) her. After about ten minutes of shouting, and/or crying, pacing, mumbled grumbles and a little peeking into our room (I have to leave her to it, as 'resistance is futile'.) When she's convinced we are asleep, she sits down on the stairs near the landing and ignores her soft-toy sleep-buddy- a toy dinosaur she calls 'Rooster'. She can look into our room and thinks we are either asleep, or ignoring her; none of which is true. In truth, we converse in low-decibel whispers, our monosyllables attempting to reassure each other. soon, as if on an unspoken signal, one of us gives the other's hand a squeeze and gets up, walking towards her where she sits hugging her knees, sniffling on the landing... trying not to let her see our naked love and affection for our troubled little girl. I stay quiet. She glances up. I say nothing and, presently, she returns her gaze to the floor and contemplates her toes....

If I get it right and I let her calm down she is again willing to listen. Then it is safe to  ive her a hug like I've always wanted to. Needed to. I walk with her into her room and tell her a 'cooked-up' story...! I sometimes start feeling sleepy myself too! It's just that when she is in one of her moods, she will not listen to reason... Best thing I've done is sat/stood with her silently as she swore, ranted and cried at me, until, finally, she calmed down. Its as quick to end as milk bubbling over if left to boil unattended- a few drops of water sprinkled ,over it, an it calms down.!!

Its now early in the morning, and all three of them are asleep.... :) ALL , as Aamir Khan says, in the film '3 Idiots', IZZ WELL! So here are my top tried-and-tested tips!

I understand that no good ever comes from forcing oneself to sleep when you're not able to, just as it is sometimes really hard to keep those peepers open in the first place!!  So, I have come up with a few strategies for sleep based on my life's experiences, things I do to deal with my own insomnia and all that I have read, heard or been told.

My husband works in the day, everyday, all day. Mealtime in the evening is crucial for us- we sit together and eat as a family- something I recollect from my childhood, and loved doing. As a mum who works part-time night shifts I am, admittedly, a bit of an owl. (Not the OWL of Wise Old Owl fame, but rather the one that goes 'toowit',  'toohoo' and can't sleep much!Lol). I usually wake up very early at daybreak and wait for my husband to wake up. We chat as he eats breakfast downstairs before heading to work. It is a very quiet and peaceful time of the day (all pun intended), because the kids are still asleep in their beds. Afterwards, I get ready to make their 'Good Mornings' really good!! Since its the holidays; the last week in particular, I am trying to ease their bodies and minds into a gradual routine to get them both ready by, say, nine AM even on holidays.

Anyone with a child with or without Special Needs will agree, 'ROUTINE' is the key! I often chant in my head, Routine...routine....routine...1 There is something to be said for good old-fashioned 'fauji' training when the mind is exhausted- habit takes over...!

Time is extremely imperative, as is giving time to the kids- whether it is time to eat, play, read, run, scream or simply talk. The day you have a kid, start preparing fora lifetime of joyous changes. Just when you think things couldn't possibly get any better, or worse, the innocence of a child can blow you away. Their little babbles, their wobbly steps, every word they learn to speak/ every smile they crack, every scribble they make is forever etched in your memory and heart. So, get into the habit of giving them your undivided attention for a few hours everyday. Letting them help with household duties is also a good thing. It teaches them a lot about being self-reliant and independent. Survivors in an unforgiving world. It makes them wise,  accountable for their actions, and boosts their self-esteem to know that you trust them.

Make time to play WITH them, talk less and LISTEN more, and teach them about responsibility by being on your own best behaviour whether at home, or outside. If I yell/swear out loud when caught in a stressful situation (S once poured the entire contents of my rice jar into the drain, whilst I was having a shower, and also scattered a lot of them on the floor- rendering them useless.) I calm down and apologise to them and request the culprit to help me clear the mess up.

Sometimes its easy, a smile, a hug and a lot of jollying-them-along and we sail through breakfast as if it were a simple game of peek-a-Boo! And on other days its more harrowing than going for an interview. At such times, I prioritize, and do some damage-control. If Shivangi does not finish her breakfast and the school bus is there, I calmly tell her that she can have an extra snack in the evening.
I rely on the time their Dad is at home, and we share the responsibility of being old eagle-eyes, watching over Shiv. Her sister Rani and I make time by reading together, spending time alone and doing things that interest her- like crafts, or drawing, and we also involve Shivangi. I will be trying to make the next week is fun-filled and that the girls settle into their school routine from the 4th of September...

In all my experience as a mother, I hope the next few days of refurbishing the kids' two rooms and personalising them will make the kids feel right 'at home' in there! Especially Shivangi! Therein lies my sanity, creativity and love for them both.... Fingers Crossed!

Birthday Wishes for my sweet friend!

My Dearest Mon,

 

 How are you?! It really has been ages since I wrote on here, and it feels somewhat unfamiliar, somehow! But I really had to start again because I have missed you every day, and each time the kids do something clever, funny, or outright naughty! I loved sharing the posts with you and the hope, love and care your posts gave me was something I have always treasured! Your Blog- The EXTRA in the Ordinary!!  has inspired and supported me, saved and salved my emotional scratches, bruises and bumps!
You know how much it would mean to me if you could keep writing (read blogging!) along as merrily as we did before, but I do understand you might be busy these days too. so just keep those gems coming as and when you find time!

I meant to post this a few days earlier, but the kids' holidays mean I have to be ON-CALL 24X7! (a bit or ER vocab thrown-in there, as I now often work in A & E!! I Love it, its a terrific team we have here in our Hospital and I am but a humble carer. It does help that they value me on the team as I work on the days when they desperately need an extra pair of hands! As you can imagine, weekends are busy and its really "ALL HANDS ON DECK" on those days.
How are you and what are you doing these days!? How's the designing going and do you enjoy your work!! You should upload some of your terrific caricatures you used to draw! They were always smashing!!  :)

To you, I wish with all my heart, a very special Birthday, today and for every day as we are re-born everytime we experience life...

Love to Harit and Raina, and a big hug to you!
Yours,
 Ruch

Singing our hearts out!!

Two days ago, My daughter Rani's little friend Kavinaya, asked me, "Rani's mummy, do you also sing and know Sa, Re, Ga, Ma... and I finished the rest of the sargam with her!" She was so chuffed, and beamed at me, and it felt so good that I could put a smile on her face!! My heart was touched,to put it mildly!
I have been mulling over my PURPOSE in life.. and thought about my strengths and talents and using them for something good for children everywhere.... so organising a children's/ young people's/ adults' choir from across the World and India- here in our very own Luton in the UK has been a sign from God, for me.
Rani' homework on music and our research led me to re-discover "Krishna Nee Begane" a devotional song which was made immensely popular by the talented duo- Hariharan ji and Leslie Lewis as COLONIAL COUSINS. (see link below)
I have a decent set of Keyboards from my Dad!) which I can play, a guitar (which I cannot play...yet) and a vast collection of devotional and classical children's and film (animated and others) songs that would inspire us as we start off... I will be getting in touch with Luton in Harmony and the Luton Council of Faiths, once I can organize myself and have got an idea of how many people are interested...

If anyone from across Luton or Bedfordshire is interested in joining me, please send me a message on FB. I intend to do it in the evenings or holidays and there will be no fee- the children's smiles and joy is reward enough! We want to celebrate all cultures, religions, prayers, styles of singing, whether African, South American, Asian, Classical Indian, Karnatic, or Western...
Help spread the word, you never know what it could lead....
In the meantime, make yourselves familiar with these songs (links below) and suggest some more if you like!
Depending on the feedback I get, I'd like to start at our home, and thereafter talk to the Local Community Centre...


Ishwar Allah
Krishna nee begane...baro.

Love and prayers for all,
ruchi

Lessons in Love from the Children of the World....

Yesterday, I was watching my children as I and my husband Raj went about our tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry and sorting out the home (it was our day off)  The kids played, then fought and fell-out, I had to intervene when things got out of hand with one of them hitting out at the other, who then said she kicked her back in defence and got the first one to scream uncontrollably (see what I mean!?)...
 Later, after they were in bed and peace prevailed, I was reflecting on them and their nature, my parenting and MY nature...,  That is when it hit me... Shivangi is so much like a mirror; If I am rushed, she feels rushed. If I am calm and joyous, she is the epitome of calm joyousness herself...
As my husband gets her ready with me in to mornings for the last two-three weeks, I can 'see' potential flare-up moments and diffuse them before they spark up and ignite my volatile emotions. Everyday is a learning curve.  Shivangi is a great experience! She and her sister make me aware everyday- of my good fortune. Its like being the most-loved child of God- He chooses us to have these experiences in life and it is up to us to learn from them...

Mon, you know what, I always imagine YOU -doing those special things- the little things, with Raina. Our talks over the blog-world have made me a better person and a better parent than I ever was or could have hoped to be.

One thing I witnessed when I moved to Great Britain is the politeness, the courtesy and kindness we extend to all those we come in contact with. If you make a call, the person on the other side will smile and laugh with you, and make you feel at ease straight away. PLEASE, THANK YOU and you're WELCOME come naturally. Culturally, there are many variations, but amongst my own neighbours, friends and family. I have seen Love, concern and hope at all times.
When our kitchen caught fire in 2008, and none of us was at home, neighbours alerted the fire services and TWO fire Brigades came and rescued our home and pet BLAZE from harm. Tracy, our neighbour homed our goldfish, Mr Hassan brought us cups of tea as we watched, shocked; the remains of our kitchen strewn on the front driveway. Our family was out, and I had been at work when the fateful call came. My Charge Nurse instantly let me go home, and as I cycled down the roads, I was thanking the Lord that my husband and Kids had not been home at the time.
It never crossed my mind to bemoan my fate, and feel sorry for myself. Optimism runs through my veins. It has done so since I was born, to two of the most POSITIVE people in my life- My Father and my Late Mother... Dad and Mummy would always be Fair, Just and Honest- with us and others, and their Fairness rubbed off on us kids big-time. We each had our experiences, our lives converged as children of our parents and diverged from our own roles as parents in our adulthood, but whenever we meet, we can all see and support each other's difficulties and shortcomings and I feel re-invigorated when I talk to my Sister or Brother or my many cousins and relatives. My friends at University, and work in India also keep in touch via the wonder of Facebook!
In INDIA, growing up with my family, and many many loving cousins, aunts, uncles and relatives, friends and neighbours, I recollect that WE smile at babies in India , and can start chatting with a couple of people on the opposite berth of the train, in no time. We would swap stories, anecdotes, share food and soon us kids would be friends. So much so that when it was time for either family to leave the train, it would feel as if we were saying goodbye to lifelong friends. 

A Facebook picture by The Idealist (page link)

Today, on facebook, I came across this picture.... It speaks volumes about OUR WORLD and Our 'I' ness. Selfless LOVE is the only thing that can redeem Mankind. There is not, nor should there EVER be any scope for 'negativity' in our lives. If something is going wrong, I begin to look within myself for the crossing wires which caused the 'short circuit' in the first place. If my wires are untangled, and the lines are open, God will flow through and suffuse me and mine with Love...The children of the Ubuntu signify all that should be celebrated in our humanity- our HUMAN -ness. Being HUMAN first and foremost is the most important thing in the world. 

As John Lennon once said, "When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."

How does one begin to pare down years of experience, millions of influences and gigabytes of memories inside of us and re-learn the whole business of being HUMAN!!??

The answer lies in our lives. When we have a newborn child in our midst, all of us, even the cynics and pessimists begin to smile. Their tiny fingers curl around our big ones and in that first touch, we see God in their eyes. When we say a child is beautiful, we are actually seeing the  purest, barest human being there ever is. A child brings love, hope and nurturing to its family. It is the promise of a better world for them that we make, silently, to ourselves as we gaze upon their countenance.... Each child is beautiful. Each person, no matter how they are presenting themselves to you, is beautiful. Look beyond the physical and you will see the same essence, the same purity in all of God's creations.... We just need to open our eyes and look inside us... Somewhat like the Dove Real Beauty Sketches show us...(here)

LOVE IS....FOREVER GIVING!

Dearest Monica,
Often times, I wonder at the definition of LOVE....Love -that one simple feeling that envelops your heart when you think of someone or something that means a lot to you.... You begin to smile, your eyes light up and you lose yourself in the feeling for as long as you can! It could have been brought on by listening to the voice of a parent over a long-distance Call, your better-half giving your shoulder a squeeze in a tough situation, a tiny handclasp from your toddler, the whisper of a  memory from your childhood, or even looking at a picture from ages ago....
All this made me think of how do we know it is love!!?

Sai Baba, who we refer to as Swami in our family, always said,

"Love is- giving and forgiving,
Self is- getting and forgetting."

"START the Day with LOVE,
FILL the Day with LOVE,
SPEND the Day with LOVE,
END the day with LOVE,
This is the way to GOD."

Love is the Key

Simple, yet so hard to emulate...
Some of the best experiences in Love (as an adult) that I've been a part of, have been acquired from my memory of My Parents as parents, since I myself became a parent! My two daughters teach me a lot in their interactions with our extended family, in the way they dote on their Daddy and (If I'm lucky!) me too! I feel the urge to write and save my memories for the future- whenever I get the chance to observe them. Living with a Child is a huge responsibility- of Hope , Faith and Values. We need to teach by example, good behaviour and politeness, respect and sharing begins with us Adults and percolates down to the youngest child we may come in contact with. So, teaching and guiding them right from wrong is never easy and yes, learning from them. Children never hold back- with them, what you se is what you get...! If my seven-year-old is mad at me, she lets me know; if she loves me to pieces at another moment, she tells me so too. Kids are like mirrors; they reflect what they see, hear, experience, and live with. If they live with Love, Courage, Hope and Truth, they will be loving, courageous, hopeful and truthful too. Our job, as parents, is to be powerhouses of positive energy around them, and if we do slip up, sometimes, we can always apologise to them in a heartfelt, honest way.
My daughters are forever teaching me about LOVE. They could be in the middle of the most God-awful fight ever and I have to tear them apart but if I tell one of them off, they gang -up on me straight away!
Kids don't carry baggage of feelings, to them, living from day to day is adventure enough without the added burden of suppressed emotions. They vent it out and get it all off their chest and out of their system.
That is why, their love is so valuable, so pure and so strong and overwhelming...
Reading online, I once came across some insightful quotes from children, on what they understood of love:

LOVE ACCORDING TO 4-8 YEAR OLDS!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4  "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 5

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6

"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 4

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day" Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - Age 5

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine -age 5  "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 8

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4  "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her." Bethany - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8
And we think they don't notice....

Hit the Road (vol 1)

One sunny morning, last week, I decided to get on my bike and head out... To get in touch with my solitary side, I guess.... To make sense of things in my life, with the steady, natural rhythm of pushing the pedals..To stop talking and speaking, and to start listening... Because, nothing makes me more aware of myself than the sounds of the road, when I'm on my bicycle.I ride on, at a steady, unhurried pace, soaking in the feeling of being alive... Drinking in, greedily, from the repertoire of nature- her sights, sounds and smells...
If I were a decent artist, I'd draw or paint, If I were a poet, I'd write of her beauty, her freedom and her limitlessness... But as I'm none of those, I just take off, charge myself, live-in-the-moment and enjoy the journey. Lately, this selfsame 'CYCLING' bug has bitten my better half as well, and we both take off on our bikes, riding out when the kids are fed and watered, and safe in their beds, GM (grandmother and general manager!!) keeping an eye and an ear on them from downstairs...
Yesterday, we circled Houghton Regis, and stood around when the rains splashed down, sheltered from a conifer... biking relaxes me like nothing else can, and it reminds me not to abuse my body- since this is the only one I'll ever have!! So, no more late-night snacks, staying up to watch Supernatural on Living TV, (much as I love Dean & Sam!)  or eating mounds of rajma-rice for lunch and dinner...
The one thing I can, and DO is to take a lot of pictures... and it makes for some interesting viewing- in retrospect!
Here's a peek:
Cycling

Happy birthday, Mon!

Dear Mon,
I hope you had a terrific day today and the love of family and friends, near or far, makes it special too! Raina must be thrilled at the prospect of blowing out the candles on your cake, and singing 'happy birthday' to her lovely Mummy!! I always marvel at your contentment and 'living in the moment' spontaneity! Your smiles and your voice, your gardening skills and your observations of Raina's growing-up years...!
You are unique in your optimism, loving and caring beyond measure and kind and supportive to everyone who needs you or reaches out to you. This, I know, from personal experience! Rather than living your life wondering what could have happened, you jumped right in and made things happen for you! Your dedicated hard-work, your talent and your enthusiasm has always been inspiring... Take care and have a fantastic day today!
Miss you!
Love and hugs,
Ruch

A Note in his cupboard...

My husband and I often talk about how we've steadily grown apart. Atleast, I do, while he listens. After I've finished moaning about our lack of 'quality time' together, he gets his ammo sorted, and proceeds to blame my 'sleepiness' (after a whole day spent running from one place to another), hectic schedule (work, kids's schools, their entertainment, routines, my volunteering programme, my studies...ok, ok, ok, MY FACEBOOK, BLOGS n MUMSNET addictions!!) and my inability to tear my attention away from my two brat-daughters even when he's about. I, for my part, complain about the lack of 'romanticism' in our married life, the absence of cuddles on the sofa (for other reason's than disinclination to cuddle on our part!), the lack of intimacy and the total absence of any time for us as a couple....
After a lot many such talks, and seeing no changes in our temperaments, whether singular or collective, I decided to try out my best friend's suggestion. That's you, Mon!! Remember how you told me about leaving post-it notes in H's lunch box, on his tie, near his socks etc??!! Well, I left him some of mine in his cupboard, and boy! Was he surprised!! Today on my break at work, as I picked up my phone to talk to him, I was dumbstruck to find a tender message of thanks from his phone. It made my day, and I'm wearing my 'goofy grin' even now!!
Thank you, Monu, for a terrific idea!!
Notes are something my mother would send my Dad a lot, too! sometimes she'd hide them, sometimes she'd post them via  the post. She often wrote long letters to him when he was away on duty with his Squadron in the IAF, and wait patiently for him to return... Come to think of it, they spent many moons apart- He attended courses, Foreign Trips to Sri Lanka, Larnaca, or commission a new fleet of aircraft (from the erstwhile USSR),  She taught Sanskrit to B.A students at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, and lived on Campus, away from all of us for a year... I truly believe in the old adage: 'DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER'..
Their yearning, their love for each other was like a silent stream, not a gushing, raging river, but a tranquil lake, on whose glassy, mirrored waters I see my childhood reflected. Clean and clear. Safe and Peaceful. I never heard them shout at each other, (or anyone else, for that matter!!) Their marriage was, and is an Ideal Marriage to me... Even in his solitude and 'alone-ness', Dad is not alone... It is as if her soul, her spirit is always in him, around him and he can feel the peace it brings to us all, to see him so detached, yet so affectionate and so mindful of our needs, as his children. I may have said this before, and I will possibly say it again- My Mom and Dad are my ideals in life... They signify what a a marriage is all about...

Happy Birthday, Daughter!

Whenever the birthday of a loved one rolls around, I get ponderous, wistful and, at times, a little bit sad. Just a little bit, though! Last weekend was one such day. What made it extra special and extra poignant is that my first-born turned eight that day. There's something irrevocable and definitive about birthdays. Like time has been stamped and chronicled...so-and-so is now and henceforth eight years and counting....time that has passed on, never to return. All that remains are memories, growing fainter and fainter with the passage of time, save those special details that make memories feel so very much alive...

My first baby...Shivangi. I quite vividly remember the day she was born in all its glorious details...It was a Monday, and a sunny one at that. I had walked home, after being discharged from the hospital that very morning, after a weekend 'under observation'. After reaching home, I cooked and waited for my M-i-L to return from work. As we watched TV that night, I felt an uncomfortable pain around my bump, as if an invisible band was being gradually tightened around my ample middle... Mum asked me if I was all right, and, since I had no clue, I nodded. Later that night, as the discomfort intensified, she told me to take care and get some rest, and to wake her up if I felt any pain. My husband worked afternoon shifts as a restaurant manager, so I called him and we talked about the possibility that tonight was THE NIGHT!! After an excited exchange and numerous text messages to him, I rang the Delivery Suite team and was told to take some Paracetamol and try to relax until the contractions were five minutes apart. When I told my husband Raj, he just jumped up, and said, "Let's go!!" 

I can recollect, with some accuracy, the way the Delivery Suite Midwives settled me in, and the way I held my husband's hand with bone-crushing intensity. (Its a good thing he has always been fit and works out at the gym, come rain or shine; a lesser man would have howled and pulled away as the waves of pain crashed over me with alarming regularity.) It all felt so rushed, and uncomfortable that I felt like saying, "hang on, can we run over this bit again!!??" It left me ill-prepared to use the gas-and-air mask that a nurse told me to breathe with when the pain intensified. Consequently, I managed to deliver my precious first child whilst feeling as if I were being ripped from the inside out. I pushed and pushed and then some more until the searing pain gave way and I felt a warm, wet and soft form escape my body... I craned my neck to catcha glimpse of my child, (all I could see was black hair and a tiny, limp form, face down on the sheets between my knees. Worried and anxious when I did not hear her cries (as I had expected, thanks to the hundred-odd hindi films depicting the birth of a child) my feeling of dread was pushed to the back when the super-efficient midwife wrapped her up in a clean towel and proffered my husband a pair of scissors to cut the cord...With shaking hands, he did just as she instructed, and she lay my baby in my ams for a quick cuddle.... Meanwhile, Senior staff who entered the room (I had no idea who they were and scrambled to preserve the remnants of my dignity) A supportive midwife helped me sit up and I was relieved to see I was decent! The seniors consulted amongst themselves about her low APGAR score, and debated on the next course of action. All this took just a few minutes and soon after her birth, they had a little sterile trolley brought in and were ready to take S down to NIU to be monitored for a few hours.

In the moments following her birth, as the NICU staff whisked her away, my dear husband looked worried sick and torn in two as he brushed away tears with the back of his hand. A nurse plunged a needle into my thigh to give me some vitamin K and another prepared to 'stitch me up'. Late that morning, after an hour of bed rest, and a wash (that made me feel like I was still alive) and being examined and monitored by the wonderful staff, I was wheeled down to see my brand-new baby daughter, who I had only just held in my arms briefly, until that point... (My husband and his mum had gone home after seeing to it that both of us were okay and resting.) She looked so tiny, so fragile and yet so much her own person!! Her spiky, jet-black hair stood out in all directions,  her eyes tighly shut, an unmistakable frown (her Dad's) imprinted her forehead as she lay on her tummy, under the warm light in an incubator. As she slept, I looked and looked at her, unable to fight the urge to hold her close, yet afraid to do so, as she clearly, needed the drip and the warmth. I debated with myself and continued to look at her until a kindly nurse asked me if I'd like to hold her!!?? So, as mother and daughter were finally re-united outside the womb, a new chapter of our lives began! A chapter that said, "Hello!!"

In all our interactions so far in her young life, I try and recollect that first meeting and that first touch... As she snuggles up to me at night and falls asleep to this day, her breathing becoming regular and her little hands clasping me in different places, I thank God for the gift of motherhood...

Music is pure joy!

Today, I visited my daughter at her school in the morning. A few weeks ago, my husband and I had recieved a hand-drawn invite to the Guitar Concert her class was practising for...Dear Dady and mum, it said, Brunel Class invites you to their Guitar Concert on 27th June 2012, at 10:30 A.M...
I was curious about her co-curricular activities at school, and had eagerly waited to see how she felt about performing! Shivangi has difficulties with expressive and receptive language, social interaction and with her fine and gross motor skills like writing, running, jumping, walking etc.... (these are the words of experts, who have supported, studied and 'assessed' her SEN so far...) but, like all children, she loves music and will rock and nod her body and head to a tune she likes... Sometimes, she bursts into tears and tells me to stop singing and at other times she gives me a big hug and a kiss on my hand as I sing, cooking their breakfast or walking them to school! ...What can I say; she's uniquely mine!!

Shivangi, all smiles after her concert at school today.

So, it was doubly important for me to see her do something she clearly enjoyed and tried to do her best with...! The concert was beautiful, and all the children played really well! I could see that they all loved it, and were proud and elated to put up the concert for their parents. Many of the parents had missed appointments, breakfast, and walked for a good half hour to be there and the pride was visible in their grins of delight and the enthusiastic applause.. Shivangi, while struggling with the strumming at times, definitely seemed like she loved what she was doing! She had a great big smile on her little face and, from behind the kids in the front row, she sneaked me smiles and kisses before they began playing. To say that my heart swam with joy is not off the mark... it a feeling every parent will relate to, no matter what their child is doing, so long as they are enjoying themselves...
They played a few songs, and the kids struck the chords well, then it was time for us parents to be introduced to the beauty of music, as the kids sang and demonstrated PULSE, RHYTHM, TONE and PITCH, and played a few more songs- reggae and country- to show us their kind of music they had been listening to.
Andy, the guitar and music teacher is a great guy, and the kids played with him well; he took them through the demo and smiled encouragingly so the kids felt at ease. Later, as we chatted about sourcing a guitar for the kids, he answered my questions about how and where to get a good kids' guitar, so that their small hands can reach across without a struggle! Its Shivangi's birthday next week and I wanted to get her something she would cherish during her childhood... My own parents inculcated in us a love for music, and so Keya di got her first tuned piano toy when she was little, followed by Me and Diggi who had a keyboard, and we learned to play the sitar(me) and tabla (him) at school when little.
I recollect that Harit and you got together largely due to your shared love of music, and its a terrific inheritance for Raina. The fact that you have so much variety in your musical repertoire, is amazing and a great learning tool besides...! Love an happy music-ing!!
Ruch

Just another day....

My Dear Monu,

Life is not without end... what is eternal is how you live it.

On many occassions, at high or low points in my life, I've dwelt on the meaning or implication or the phrase, "I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.." What it signifies to me is that, basically, joy and sorrow are the byproducts of our OWN mind. Let me explain. In the armed forces, many a soldier lives from day-to-day, always following orders, undergoing rigorous training, and pushing their bodies to the limits of endurance.... Are they happy?? Or sad...?? All I know is that in that position, as my brother says, one is just happy to eat a meal, sleep for four-five hours or have a quick shower!!
For me, life is to be lived with no regrets.... if, going back, you feel you did not do something right somewhere, then its time to have a re-think, and talk things through with all those who were a part of the decision, or were and are affected by it...It is the reason why I try to talk to Raj about the slightest nagging restlessness of my heart and mind. To his credit, he can spot at once if things are not right and will ask me outright, what the matter is... On some occassions, the talk stops mid-way, like a boatman who loses the oars midstream, or a swimmer who finds his arms and legs frozen...
I then let it go, and things don't get resolved, only more complicated....
Often, when I feel I am sad or down, and can't take things anymore, I visit a friend or, in extreme situations, the doctor, who patiently listen, offer support, maybe even a solution or two... But as I am not one to push people around, or force them to do things they may be unhappy with, I just feel my stress melt away after I talk to my father or my brother... Life has taught me something; never cause yourself pain and internal suffering, from the words of others; just let it go sweeping over your head! Whenever I feel my situation is unbearable, I thik of my dearest Keya di- so far away, so alone and cut-off, and yet she remains happy- I always hear the smile in her voice when I cal her, and she make my day by sending me a mail from across the oeans, every once in a while...
She is strong, stoic, supportive and terrific... in all, I am but a shadow of her, as she goes about her life living to make her family happy and joyous, even at the cost of her own happiness...
Sometimes life, itself, gives us a silent lesson and teaches us a thing or two...
I'm just learning to listen and learn...
In your post you wrote about how you and Raina went for a morning walk and connected over a children's movie...I was smiling when I read that...! Thank you for sharing a wonderfully simple idea with me! I also take the girls out to the park fairly early on sundays, and we all love the fresh air and they enjoy playing there. I miss Raj and wish he would wake up around nine and come with us too, but he is not a morning person... My biggest solace is the fact that I, at least, am able to go out with them and do as I please.. It is these moments which are so precious! I'm learning something each time I read your post...so keep them coming!
Be happy ALWAYS!

Being alive...

My children...!

Whenever I come upon a certain day in the year, each year, there is only one burning thought in my mind- am I really alive!? Alive in the actual sense of the word, the way mother nature wishes us to be?? ...Alive to my surroundings, to the feelings of others, their needs, my own needs, our collective happiness, and joy etc!? Not just happiness that comes from eating a good meal or watching a film, but joy within, in my essential being- joy that makes me and my loved ones feel blissful and at peace...

 This day, today, is the 36th, maybe give or take a decade. Simply because, growing up, I never really dwelt on the finer points of life like I do now...now that I have my own children and watch my life's joys intertwined with their everydays!! I always spend this day thinking about my parents, secretly thanking the Lord for giving me the parents He did. My father, strong, simple, placid and calm, and a rock anyone can lean on! My mother, pretty much the same, only as flexible and as strong as a reed of willow by a lake, so that she withstood the toughest times in her life with Dad by her side and they both, together, gave me and my siblings a lesson in life like no one else can.

What can I say about my mother that I've not said before..?? She is the one who bore me, gave me life, and not having her around now for the last 17 years has been very hard.... I remember her telling me about how she was rushed to the hospital, and I was born prematurely...Dad was away on Temporary Duty with the Indian Air Force..... My uncle was the one who was called and told that I was a girl, all of three pounds, and he imagined they were talking of a child with a third leg!! ( पाँव or paun in hindi means leg)  I can imagine his relief when he actually saw me that day!! My mother would talk to me when I was growing up, and would ask her what she remembered about the day I was born... and I remember how she told me she felt horrified and indignant when women and relatives asked her in gujarati months after I was born, "છોરી જીવે સે!?" ( or "..is your girl still alive, then!?" )

I think of my father, how he has coped all these years, alone, and yet in bliss... and how hard it is for me to imagine myself in his position... That I am learning something from him everyday is an understatement... in fact, every time I think of him, he inspires me beyond measure....! He has such tremendous faith in me, that it gives me confidence to simply BE!! He is all I have now, of both of them, and in some way, he is both father and mother to me now- such is our rapport.

Each time this day rolls around, I think of my father and mother and whether or not they would be proud and happy with the way I have conducted my life thus far... I think I know, deep down, that the answer is what keeps me going and trying to better myself, and make amends when all seems to be lost or whenever I feel weak or helpless... I am lucky to have the love and blessings of my parents today, as are all the children in the world...I love life so much because it was a gift from them... and I can confidently say 'I will survive' anything, any situation, simply because their upbringing has equipped me with the necessary values and lessons to be a fighter and a soldier; I can love and I can also let go...but most of all, I feel privileged to be their daughter...

Thinking of you, Mummy and Dad, on my 36th birthday, I hope and pray that someday, you both will have good reason to be proud of me!! Till then, I shall strive to better myself each day and every time that I feel I could have done it 'just right' with a bit more effort! Please accept my most loving and sincere pranams to you both for being my parents in this life...

for You, Mon!!

Just Being ME - a Mother and a Mind-Traveller...: BOY

Shooting to Paint, not Kill....

I've got to update my GEN on Cameras, esp. the digital SLRs... any good sites/links etc to explore my Nikon D3000 and its best features?? The camera manual is only cursory, and I'm sitting down with the two CDs that came in the pack last month... raring to go, but unsure how to get the result I am looking for... I prefer to use more Manual modes, you know... sort of expore the best features for myself...Haven't even taken it out and about yet... : (
I remember my Dad requesting Upendra, ( aapdi Niki's hubby!) to buy me a Nikon FM10 from Singapore in 2000. Previously, during our Photography studio in 2nd year, SID, I had made do with my Uncle's Cannon, (Fuasaheb and my Lataba Faiba's husband)  which had a splendid zoom lens, but was unserviced and had a problem with the film exposure to light...something I discovered later, after I got my prints back from the Imaging Studios...

Having learned the basics of Photography from Jaladhi, (our SID Senior and a terrific guy with a Camera) I have long nursed a desire to paint with my camera the way an artist does with a brush... Last month, Raj brought my dream closer within my grasp by gifting me a digital SLR...but I'm terrified of damaging it, (it starts raining out here at the drop of a hat!!)
I guess, like most things in life, I just have to take it out, use it, and learn from the experience! So far, I had been too busy with work, home and family to focus on myself and my desires... but now, having done Cycletta Bedfordshire 2012 again, I feel I can take the Camera in my hands and go out and about training myself to use it... trust it and above all, KNOW it!
I'll be keeping you updated, with how I do, how the experience pans out, how and where I get inspired to shoot with it...!! First up: I'll take it for a ride on my bicycle early tomorrow morning, if I can wake up after the insomnia of excitement that has, inexplicably, gripped me today until the late hours now!!
More later!!!
yours,
-Ruch

Busy but Happy!

Dear Mon,

A lot of times life is so hectic and busy, that 24 hours don't quite seem enough! I get my moments of peace at night, with my notebook and earphones, just like you do, in bed when everyone else in the family is asleep...
Work, Cycletta (next weekend) and the childrens' school and homework keep me busy, but I think of and draw strength from you a lot of the time. Even just recollecting your posts in the midst of doing my work makes me smile!
More later, my friend!
love,
Ruch

Loving Cycletta last year, September 2011.

My girls @ bedtime! (on some 'smiley' evenings!)

Lessons of Life from my parents.

Change comes slowly; unnoticeable but unfailing like the rising Sun or the tide, the waxing  of the moon or the advent of Spring.... It envelopes us slowly but surely, the way each passing moment turns 'this moment' into 'that moment'...; the moment that was.... I am ever-conscious of the way we change, with age, time and experience... Some of us become mellow and softer, some stronger and surer, still others feel, despite their best efforts, as if Life is slipping by like a fistful of sand, leaving nothing of consequence... I, sadly, fall in to the last category, and try to pull myself out of the cess-pool of self-doubt and lack of confidence with a bit of thought and a bit of ;me' time. If I need to 'sort-out' my thoughts, I just wake up early into the morning, put on my trainers and shrug into my jacket. With my mobile playing my favourite tunes, and the roads clear of traffic, I either pound the pavement, or ride out on my bike... These are my two best means of introspection.
I often have my family and friends here tell me that I talk a lot, and that my tone is not always respectful although the words, in themselves, aren't offensive. Bearing these things in mind, I have been trying to be conscious of the following points in my interactions with others. I have tried to look back on the past two decades of my life and sort through the most important things I have learnt from the most important people in my life- my parents.

HELP EVER, HURT NEVER
My mother always used to say to me, "Remember, Ruch, Help ever, hurt never..." This message of Sri Sathya Sai Baba, stayed with me and shaped my psyche. I always try to look on the bright side, unless I feel pushed into a situation and react out of anger or some such strong emotion...With perseverance, I hope to rid myself of all such vices, eventually. Sometimes, if I'm in a fix as to how to react to something someone close to me has said, (like the incident at home that I wrote to you about) and find myself giving in to the anger, pain and hurt those words can often cause, I lash back too... Later, when I've calmed down I am left with a feeling of emptiness... So I often ask myself, "Is it because I reacted negatively too??" As a lovely song in 'The Sound of Music' goes, "Nothing comes from nothing, nothing, ever, could.... so somewhere in my youth, or childhood.... I must have done, something good..." I think of what Mummy would say/do if I asked her for her views, and would I disregard her views the same way that my Mum-in-Law says I do hers??! This has brought about  change in me, maybe late, maybe far too long in coming, but a change that I wish to celebrate and embrace- I look to her now, today, as I would to my mother, if she were alive. God, I tell myself, has given me another mother- in a new form, but in essence, a mother who loves me and wishes me well. So I am trying, each day, to interact with her the same way I would interact with my mother- sharing worries, listening, following her advice and looking after her wishes in subtle ways...So far, it looks like something I should have always done- and I never would have had any difficulties in my relationship with her. Respect begets respect, and Love alone, begets Love!

SATYAMEVA JAYATE   (TRUTH STANDS INVINCIBLE.)

From Dad, I learned that one must always support and speak the truth. Sure, its hard, and sometimes gets us into trouble, but ultimately, it always triumphs. Not for nothing does a great nation like India put सत्यमेव जायते as its National Motto!! When Lord Sri Rama, Shiva and Krishna- the divine, beloved deities of our Hindu pantheon, upheld Satya, (Truth) and Dharma, over all else, how can I not follow their simplest of messages?? - Love, Truth, dharma, and Non-Violence- even in the mind!! I talk to my father about everything and anything. His non-aggression and inner-peace make me realise how much we take things for granted! He never criticises others, but just looks at them as' living their nature'. His advice to me is never dished out- "do this, do that" and the other!! He will narrate a memory, an incident from his life which taught him something, and after we speak or write to each other, I find myself filled with positive energy- looking to others with love, hope and goodwill. His life has been my greatest example of how to follow the way of the Lord- Realise that divinity is inside us and not something outside of our reach. We are, essentially, that which we seek- in Temples, in Churches, in the Smiles of our children... i.e, Sat,Chitt, and Anand... 

Dad is a happy person! He is neither too happy when things are fine, nor too sad when anything unexpected occurs... He is peaceful, and calm, he is ever blissful, and always content. Living by himself for so many years is unthinkable to me, but he has done it without attracting attention, or making others feel sorry for him. I only feel the greatest pride when I think of him! I learn from his example and share my thoughts and feelings with him as I do with you. (Not the bit about Raj and I, but other things!)
With the parents that I have, I feel that life has given me ample scope to beat all odds and emerge stronger and more humble. So, for the moment, I am just keeping my head down and focussing on the positives that you share with me on  your blog! It is a treat to read and learn from you, Mon! Thank you for being my friend in need!

My Restlessness...

When things don't quite go as per plan,
When LIFE isn't going how I (imagined it would when the journey) began,
When I feel alone,
divided, and joyless inside;
my heart heavy with the sadness that comes from a few ill-timed words and an aggressive glare,
from the one I hoped, would understand me...

When love is just a faint memory, life makes my present no gift...
when we spiral into blaming the circumstances,
the finances,
or the lack of time,
when careless jokes or insecurities you voice make me feel so powerless,
so 'without-a-choice'
When our inherent differences make this joyless co-existence we pretend to uphold a burden...

A marriage 'for' whom May I ask??!!
for joy, for love, or a dragging task??
"The kids are young, they need US," you say,
and "If I didn't love you, you'd be out in a day..".
not reassuring, if I dare say myself... not at all uplifting to be told I'm a slob,
Or that I'm aggressive when I only stand up and speak my mind,
add my 'partners' bit in our so-called 'TEAM PARTNERSHIP'...
trying to be an equal ally not a trouble, nor liability.
when my self-respect is down in the toes of my shoes,
when I feel nothing, any more, not even an urge to cry..

It is time, my Dear,
Its time to let you go,
time to say goodbye,
But certainly not time to die...

Maybe, if I only gather up my shreds,
and become a bit stronger and forge on, ahead,
alone, but not lonely,
Poor and yet positive,
I might still  make something worthwhile of my life yet.

Just need to leap, to spread out my wings,
to catch the air and learn to fly...
It is time, to be ME, again, and live and let (you) live too,
I do still care,
I also love you,
just not in the way we'd thought it would be,
Our lives are now so 'separate',
they don't mingle or gel.
This is not a marriage, no, it makes us all unwell.

We need to talk, but my words are now gone...
I am numb, I'm sad, I'm tired and sore,
I don't like this, I don't need this, don't want it, any more...

This too, shall pass.

My dearest Monica,

Sleep is a pause for the Soul- that which is eternal, unchanging and untouched. When we are sleeping, our Soul lies with God for those brief moments between dreams and wakefulness....That is when we have no sense of 'self' no bondage, no relationships, no likes and no dislikes...we are even unaware of our own breathing... We are like a shell, with the pearl within given up, deep in the ocean's arms...This was something I realised in the last couple of days..


Last weekend,when my Mum (-in-Law) came home, Raj and I were really happy and relieved. There were many reasons: Bapuji and Ba who are both elderly and frail, were making this long-haul flight and had arrived safely, if a little exhausted from the ordeal.We could look forward to being with the whole family and mum wouldn't have to worry about them (her parents) being alone in our village in India.

It was all okay for a day or so, when mum tried to coax them both to eat a little bit and rest a bit too. Of course, we were worried for their health and how they would cope with the long journey, but given the circumstances, this was the best option: get them both here before Ba was too frail to travel. Bapuji had not been his usual self since he arrived, and this was making us all worried to varying degrees. Once, mum asked him if he would come to the doctor with her, but he declined, saying that in a day or so, everything would be allright, he probably just needed some sleep. He did not eat much, and mum had to cajole him to eat a little bit that evening. What we never imagined was that it would be the last time we saw him awake..

That night, sometime after midnight, (when we all went to bed) Bapuji passed away in his sleep... I remember staying awake until around four a.m that night, on the landing of the stairs, unable to sleep, reading, writing and listening to music... I was listening to your favourite songs, mentioned on your last blog post and noticed Ba walking to the bathroom in the night... When morning came, I woke up early, and went down to the kitchen, where mum was making some tea for them both. We talked about how they were that morning, and she said they were both asleep. Ba told mum not to wake up Bapuji, as he must be resting after a long time, so she got Ba ready for breakfast and then went to wake him up. That's when she discovered that he was really cold...

With the family in mourning, we organized his Funeral...What struck me was how composed Ba was, despite the gravity of her loss... She's a terrific Lady. She's a fighter, a Survivor and a great example of how to face circumstances like these with equanimity and composure, calm and clear in the mind... Although suffering from cancer herself, she is an example of how to be stoic in the face of tragedy.

Telling the kids what had happened, and explaining it to them was the hardest part; I didn't want to make them feel like nothing was the matter- since they could clearly see everyone was upset and grieving. I broke it to them as gently as I could, explaining that their great-granddad was no more amongst us, but would always be in their hearts and thoughts, if they wanted it. Others may disagree- choosing, instead, to keep the truth from ones so young but I am a believer in the facts of life. The sooner my kids understand the way life works, the sooner they can make sense of their world. Besides, they need to appreciate the feelings of others around them, and if they're unaware of what is causing the grief, how can they empathise??

Thank you for such a simple yet difficult lesson; prioritization! I think, I need a lesson in the ART OF PRIORITIZATION!! There is something my mother told us about a story related to Siddhartha, or Gautam Buddha, and his path to Enlightenment... In one of your last posts, you had mentioned the phrase , 'this too, shall pass', and today, or in fact, this last week, I realised the true meaning of the phrase...
It is said that Gautam Buddha was born as prince Siddhartha of Kapilavastu, to King Shuddodhana. When he was born, a prediction was made; that the newborn prince would grow up to become either a great, renowned king or a world-renouncing monk. Hearing this, the King who wanted his son to succeed him to the throne and be a great ruler, shielded his young son from all the unpleasant truths of life, in the hope that the wise men's prophecies regarding him becoming a monk would be proven wrong.

 But one day, the young prince Siddhartha witnessed the truths of life in quick succession- rendering his world-view obsolete, and gave rise to a restlessness of the Soul which made him seek the truth...He first saw an old woman, bent with age, frail and forlorn, and asked his father's minister who she was and what was the matter with her... "She is an old woman, young prince," said the minister, at which Siddhartha asked what had made her grow old, "...age, sir, has made her bent and old, and time is what has aged her... Siddhartha thought for a while and asked, "Will I too, grow old one day," "Yes, my dear sir, everyone who is born must age one day, just as surely as the sun rises and the seasons change with the passage of time..."
Then, the prince saw a sick man, ailing and emaciated, and a group of men taking out a funeral procession..with each passing sight, his questions grew deeper, his realization of the truth of life as he knew of it changed and he became more and more keen to find out what, if anything, could make a person really blissful in this world full of grief and suffering...
As if in response to his thoughts, he finally saw a monk, his face aglow and his simplicity rendering him with a magnetism that was hard to escape. We all know what happened next; how a prince realised the transience of the world, its joys and sorrows and how unaffected the soul was, in essence... How his realisation led him to renounce his kingdom, leave his loved ones and choose the path of enlightenment, becoming a seeker...

Its sad that it took a bereavement in our family to remind me of the lesson of life- living in the present and having no regrets. How do I focus on others all the time and still look after my soul and its inherent well-being!? How do I prevent myself 'reacting' to situations in a negative way and still not appear to be 'unresponsive' and 'uncaring'!? That is something I'm still pondering, as I take the kids out 'Egg-Hunting' over Easter, and watch them have fun splashing in the rain-soaked outdoors...
The learning continues...